Why I Switched Out of STEM: A Little Too Late

I can tell you the brain's neurological pathways, that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell (basic, right?), and the correct way to perform an acid/base reaction in chemistry. I learned many scientific facts through my years of STEM education. However, the one thing they do not teach you in the STEM field or that I was never able to grasp from my various lessons: the homework, the assignments, the applications, can wait. In a world of uncertainty, in this field, we are never taught to value the moments that really matter, to bask in the sunlight, to enjoy the small memories in life that make it truly worth living. The STEM field was the reason I went through an existential crisis on a random Tuesday afternoon and it is the reason many are switching paths that they once created in highschool.

We are in the age of TikTok and social media, where the accomplishments of others have become the forefront of many interactions. The increasing awareness that others were always ahead of me in terms of internships, patient care hours, and other opportunities have become the reason I would implode on myself, shutting off from the world around me. I always perceived myself as being behind; I went into college taking twenty credits thinking it would allow me to catch up. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case, and it ended up taking a bigger toll on my mental health than intended. I would always remind myself that I am privileged to receive an education in any field, let alone the STEM field, but that would not halt my toxic trait of disappearing without being able to ask for help. I do not know if it’s a me problem that I have never quite been able to shake, but I do know for sure that there is a pressure circulating the STEM field. It is evident in weed out classes, where the introductory courses one is required to take is orchestrated to fail a wide range of students. This type of class is designed in such a way to see who has the mental strength and potential to become a future doctor, engineer, or scientist. I have seen fellow classmates drop out due to the C they receive in their introductory course because they believe they are not capable of pursuing that degree. The fire in their eyes slowly distinguished due to the fact they did not get the grade they hoped for on an assignment. This is unfair. Creating mental toughness in this field is understandable but students are paying universities to teach them their passion, not encourage them to drop out of it. This is the field that made them excited to start college in the first place and now it is the reason they don’t want to continue.

This is what stuck out to me when I started attending my university level STEM classes. Chemistry was my favorite class all throughout highschool but quickly became the vain of my existence. It does not help that the professor starts the year off with graphics of the grading curve, stating that only a certain amount of students will receive an A, even if they have a grade worthy to receive one. Not only does this frighten the average student who just left their quiet, small town where they were always the gifted student for a bustling university scene where they are now considered average, but it creates an environment of competition, pitting students against each other from the start. Most of the students in the introductory level classes are just starting to make friends and now they have competitors. It becomes a game, who can outperform who. Studies have shown that students who make friends in their classes receive significantly better grades than those who do not. The competitive nature of these classes makes that idea almost impossible without that community feel and glamorizes the toxic traits that come with it.

Granted not every student has the exact same experience at each university, but by utilizing social media it is evident that bad habits have been glamorized, especially within the STEM culture. These new normalized habits have become significant when looking at the amount of students who have felt the need to pull all nighters to get assignments turned in, relying on adderall and red bull to stay awake. The workload and pressure placed upon newbies to the college scene is praised, even though it shouldn’t be so significant. Students are trying to balance their transition to their new home, which is way harder than many professors realize might I add, on top of the piles of work to finish. This leads to skipping sleep or meals to complete tasks. Students may not realize how detrimental this is to mental and physical health since it is viewed as a norm. School first, health second. In addition to that, the superiority complexes that arise within the STEM field is insane. There are many stories of students purposely passing out wrong answers, when collaboration is allowed, in order to keep them on the top of the grading hierarchy. The pressure of competition is always present instead of working together to get through problems. This is not the way to run a top university. Students are not getting the help that they need. There is very limited tutoring or extra available even if it is advertised. Something needs to change. The thing is, it isn’t only my school that has this issue. Again, bringing in social media, it is clear to see that many schools have the same toxic STEM culture that is present at my university. The demand on students in this field is outrageous leading to high rates of burnout, especially gifted kid burnout but that is a topic for another time.

It became evident to me that the reasons I would continue in this field was not for my pure passion, that died the first semester of weed out classes, but instead was to try and fulfill the complex I instilled within myself when I began taking these courses. The enjoyment I used to feel after completing a science equation was no longer there, I kept going within this field because I felt that my whole entire life was built up to the moment I became a doctor. Don’t get me wrong, I would still love to be a doctor, but the years of stress that I would have to endure no longer seemed worthy of the ultimate prize. The culture in the STEM field is messed up to say the least. Maybe I did not have the mental toughness needed to continue, even though my determination had never been a problem before, it was the toxic environment surrounding me. Pushing off my life for years pretending that work was all I needed to be happy is a flawed idea and not the way that I would want to continue my career path. I used to have a quote to push me through: “Some people are meant to be happy, others are meant to be great.” This was a horrible way to consider living my life. I disregarded moments with my family and friends to finish assignments that in the long run were useless for what I actually wanted to do. The three hour labs caused my stress levels to become so elevated that I would start to lose chunks of my hair during procedures. I believed the only way to end my suffering walking to my STEM classes would be to step in front of a car and that even living life was not worth it. Sitting in chemistry class with the only thought racing through my mind to jump out the four story window in the classroom, that was not worth it. Doing my exams in the two hour allocated time slots, after pulling all-nighters studying the material just to end up with a D on the test (thinking that was good), was not worth it. The constant self-doubt and hatred that came with taking these classes, that was not worth it. The worst part, it was not only me. The various conversations with the allies I made in the course, yes I say allies because they fell short of friends probably due to the competitive nature, all overlapped the same common themes. We were unhappy, unequipped, and not ready to take on the nature of the STEM culture which was flawed to begin with.

At times I got disappointed in myself because I know I was way better than how I chose to deal with this culture. However, by growing through the STEM field, I learned to never judge myself or others on the toll that the pressures took on mental health. Enjoy life, take a break. Make sure you are pursuing your path for the right reasons. You are allowed to enjoy life. Not everything is about fulfilling the complex that was instilled in you from birth.